The Island of Dred

The many moons that had past since I had landed on the fertile island were numerous. Too numerous to count. Or so I had thought. Until I had decided to count them on the side of the south cave. The number twelve had never been so close to infinity in my life.

Anyway, after living on the island for about a month and a half, I had really gotten sick of all the noises at night. I am no naturalist, but I could have sworn this island had some sort of new insect that made the oddest noise any human could possibly think of. It had the screech of a howler monkey, but the consistency of a cricket chirping. I had come to name this creature the Annoyapotamus, for obvious reasons. Firstly, because of this annoying noise that protruded out of the insect. And secondly, I love Hippopotami.

Since washing up upon this island of dread, I had taught myself how to light fires, climb large boulders, sharpen tools, fish with loose shrubbery, and circumnavigate. Except, you know how circumnavigating means going around the whole globe? I instead sailed around the whole island, which was a mile in length and a half of that in width. So yes, I learned how to circumnavigate the heckery deckery dockery doo out of that remote island.

Well, you are probably asking, "Well how did you venture off this island to be able to write it down, in digital form? Using a computer and remote accessing?"

Well Guess what? I learned that, too! Do not underestimate the power of a craftsman.

The Unexpected Beating

It was to be a most ordinary day of living. Just any old Saturday. Or so I thought. I had awoken to the sweet smell of fresh daisies and lilacs in my room and yawned in a most delightful way. "A Wonderful smelling fragrance has permeated through my nostrils in a pleasing manner!" I said to my goldfish, Sharkbait. He just looked at me in an awkward way, as if to say," Listen man, I'm a fish. I swim and eat and sometimes I kind of sleep. I have gills. I don't have lungs. I can't smell lilacs. I have a 4 second memory. Stop bothering me!" Yeah, that was a pretty complicated and perplexing look my goldfish gave me. But I laughed it off because he is usually in a bad mood and that is just his way of dealing with it. I tried for hours on end to try and teach Sharkstylings sign language but he is just too much of a grump to deal with. Plus after about 8 sessions I realized he didn't have the opposable thumbs that are needed to have to correctly display the signs.
After saying hello to the fish, I went outside to grab the paper. When I went outside, I saw a large Gorilla sitting on top of my freshly delivered paper. I calmly said to the Gorilla, "Um I kind of need that newspaper your sitting on. It is kind of important to me." The Gorilla replied to me, "Oh well excuse me, good sir. I did not see that there," and quickly handed the paper to me. "Well gee, thanks!" The gorilla quickly resorted to his instinctual ways, as he began pummelling me in defense of his territory.