“Relinquish that penny whistle, Charles, and I will reward you with the most splendid of Pagan feasts the likes of which have not been seen since the savage god Poseidon first roamed these treacherous shores!”
“Many times, Pierre, have you promised good tidings and when I do indeed surrender my property, good friend, you most usually run away in a frolic and seasonal display of jubilant demeanor and glee, refusing to then return said object of my affection in a timely manner. Thus, you will not receive thine penny whistle, and if you maintain the bothering of thee and thine brethren, then I will smote thee with thou crossbow like many English bowmen have before!”
It was a Tuesday, and 1674, the year of our Lord. In Medieval country England, Charles Nottingham had just stumbled upon a musical instrument in the front hedge of his pig farm. After slaughtering about 4 suckling and unusually succulent pigs, he had noticed the instrument simply laying in one of his pig’s slop buckets.
“Great Jumping Jehoshaphat! This large and obtuse piece of intricately carved wood could have choked my prized pig!” Charles proclaimed to his wife, Abigail Nottingham.
“You were about to slaughter the beast anyway,” pointed out the clever Mrs. Nottingham.
“It is a matter of principal, my dear, “ Charles said. ”Someone has tried to sabotage my little piglets, although I do admit this is one fine display of English craftsmanship.” Charles was admiring the work on the instrument, which was carved rosewood and, according to Charles, “Probably in the percussion family.”
Charles’ wife also enjoyed the attention to detail that the piece exhibited. “What is this part right here?” she asked her husband. “It’s touch is that of a fully varnished cows’ ear.”
“Well that must be the newest innovation from London! I believe it is referred to as birds beak, and it allows the gentle vibration of objects such as these.”
While knowledgeable this comment sounds, it was actually not in the utmost true. That piece his wife was referring to was in fact the futuristic material plastic, or a synthetic material manufactured typically with polymers of high molecular weight, obtaining malleability, flexibility, or high durability without the hassles of metals or woods. The Nottingham’s were actually holding a Xylophone, a percussion instrument in use thousands of years before the birth of Christ. This particular Xylophone, it turned out, was from the future. A space and time traveler from the year 2008 had just created a wormhole in the space time continuum that ruptured its’ way to the year 1674, and this man, it turned out, carried with him his trusted Xylophone to make his machine work. This action so startled Professor Burgenborg, a Dutch Physicist at a prestigious American University, that upon impact, he threw his Xylophone into that pig’s slope bucket and ran for the hills. Later that night, he had returned to the scene to recover this instrument and was startled to find it gone.
He had then convinced Charles’ dimwitted neighbor, Pierre Frankenberg, to recover the Xylophone, who in turn would receive a shiny Pokemon card in return. Pierre was then able to thunderbolt Charles. This had no effect, however, as Charles’ Charizard was a superior level and smote Pierre from whence he came. His lightening Pokemon was unaffected.
