The Paper Weight

"These damn paper weights aren't going to sell themselves!" enthusiastically exclaimed my boss, Paul Papers, CEO of PaperWeights INC, during the evening conference. "We need a new angle, a new spin to get people interested in paper weights again! Sean, you better have something good for us, you rapscallion, you!" Sean's icy and irritated eyes starred at the powerful man for what seemed to be several minutes before he spoke. "MY NAME IS STANLEY! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THIS JOB IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! I'M GOING TO SMASH THIS PAPER WEIGHT OVER MY HEAD! AHHHH!" The man, who had clearly gone insane, ran out of the room like a wild baboon, and quickly exited the building. The room sat in silence. I felt there was a need to say something, so I went ahead and spoke what was on my mind. "I didn't like Sean from the beginning. Wasn't cut out for the paper weight game. " The stunned crowd of workers nodded in agreement. Then, an employee had a suggestion. "I suggest we have paper weights that calculate and moderate cholesterol levels." The boss did not like this. Obviously, too much money would be devoted to this venture. I came up with an easy solution. "We should probably have a paper weight to remind people to go to their local psychiatrist for extended periods of psychological testing." The boss agreed. "Yeah, that sounds better." The meeting was then quickly adjourned, and I never heard from Stanley again.